|
|
Nov. 15th, 2005 @ 12:37 pm
|
|---|
|
Jesus thinks you're a selfish bitch. All you do is
shop, eat, and bitch. Jesus is not asking you
to join the Peace Corps or anything, He just
thinks you should stop being such a twat and
look out for your fellow man a bit.
What does Jesus think of you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
|
|
Nov. 9th, 2005 @ 01:22 pm
|
|---|
|
So we have chosen a bass player. And our first practice was amazing. Everything sounded tight and it felt really good to be playing with a full band. I am hoping to have a small show by next month. just something small to get us out there and playing together for the first time. After that, I'm just gonna book, book, book. We have another cover we are going to do hopefully.
In other news, my knee is getting better and I am walking on it nicely again. I hope to get fitted for my Don Joy brace next week. Then i will get it about 10 days after that. Hopefully by January I will be playing sports again. I am excited.
I have a possible job interview coming up. It's for a DVD Authoring company. It's a Project Manager position. I didn't want to go back into computers, but I guess I should. Accounting is great, but this is a good opportunity. Plus, it is about 10-15k more a year than what I get now so I should definitely do it.
Tomorrow is DISNEYLAND!!! woohoo. I leave work early and the park will be closed to the general public. I am so excited! KK and i will be leaving around 3pm to head down there.
Anyway, I have to go to lunch. Adios. |
|
Work has been overwhelming lately. I have taken on more responsibilities which is nice because it will potentially lead to higher pay. But it has unfortunately been currently getting in the way of my other interests.
Last nite we had two bass players who we met two weeks ago come back and play with us again. Each had their own unique feel that we all seemed to appreciate but of course there were things we didn't like either. I was in a better mood last nite about the whole "bass" thing because I felt like it was more of a practice for me, Andy and Ryan. Our old bass player was possibly returning so we used the "audition" as just a practice for us. Unfortunately this all fell through today so that wont be happening anymore. Sucks and I am bummed about it, but at least now I know it was for the best. I hated how things were first left off because it ended ugly and our years of playing together deserved more than that type of ending. So, I feel better about this because in my heart I know we both tried even though it was in the form of only a phone call. I let her know that I appreciate and respect her and that I truly wanted to try to make it work despite our personal differences. Oh well. You can't change someone's opinion about you. Some things aren't meant to be. It is just unfortunate because I really was excited and happy about us playing together again and looking towards the future. I'm just tired of arguing and talking about it as I know she is as well. So this is the last time I will ever bring this up. I have nothing negative to say about this whole situation and I have no interest in thinking about this any further. It is peaceful how it left off, so let's leave it at that.
On a good note though I have about 3 songs that I have been working on finally! They are positive songs compared to the other songs I have written. More on the rock side too so it should fit in nicely with the "edge" we have been adding to the current play list.
Andy has a song too that he asked me to write words to. I keep playing it and singing it in the car. Hopefully he will like what I came up with. Not sure if it is what he envisioned. It's a rock song and it will also fit nicely.
He has a friend that just finished an album and last nite we briefly brushed over the idea of playing some shows together to get more people to the shows. Sound great to me. I miss playing so much and I feel that with Ryan on board now and more years of experience under my belt we can all have more fun and enjoy playing music together. I know this will probably never go anywhere professionally, but all that matters to me now is to have a lot of fun and gain a lot of great memories. I see Andy and he is just so happy and so in love with playing music that it makes me feel good about letting go of that "Getting Signed fantasy".
I know we will get signed though, just not by some major label. Indie is great and maybe we can go on the road for a little bit. I know Ryan is up for it. Oh well. That's looking ahead. Right now is just solidifying the members. It's either Maria or Marlon the fish. Ryan and I like Marlon the fish. Andy likes Maria though because Maria is a techy guy just like him. They both kept talking and talking about pods and equipment while Ryan and I slept. haha. it was funny.
Oh well. I just talked to two other bass players and since I have a room booked for next week already, no harm checking two more out since we aren't completely satisfied with Marlon the fish and Maria. By thanksgiving I think we can be ready to set up a December show. yeehaw.Current Mood:  hopeful Current Music: INXS |
|
|
Oct. 24th, 2005 @ 11:51 am
|
|---|
|
KK has left her job here at Actuality.
It's great though. For her and for us.
She is moving on to a much better job. SHe will be working for FOX and in the accounting dept for movie features.
It's better pay and she will receive health benefits. so, it's awesome for her.
For us, this will be a great thing as well because it will give us some necessary space. Working together was great in theory, but in practice was a very negative thing for our relationship. There wasn't anything unknown or anything to look forward to at night. We knew everything already. There wasn't anything to talk about at dinner. No emails saying "hi, i was just thinking about you". hehe.
She sat right next to me and we basically were together 24/7 which obviously isn't good for any relationship. So, this will be great for us.
This weekend we went and walk 3.5 miles for the Cure for Juvenile Diabetes walk. KK's niece has type 2 diabetes. So, KK raised some money and we went and walked with her family. It was nice.
Now I am at work and I am about to start on Payroll. Fun times. Mucho to do. yipee.
ok...i'm off.
My car is doing great btw. I got new tires, alignment, transimission flush, synthetic oil put in and cleaned it. I love my car. :) I love it even more because i got the damn thing for so cheap. woohoo! |
|
|
Oct. 16th, 2005 @ 04:12 pm
|
|---|
|
I've had a couple of sales on my credit repair website. :) I am happy about that.
I got a new Palm Zire 72. I also got a wi-fi card in so i can access the internet with it.
oh..and i also got my 1gb memory card for my PSP.
Yes, these little things make me happy. hehe.
Other than that, on Friday I cleaned up the place a bit finally. It's been a mess for awhile. I've been really sick and haven't been able to do anything. Then I got KK sick too and it's just been lazy time at the house for over 2 weeks.
From before this, ever since my mom moved in we have had to reorganize and it has just been really hard fitting things places. It's more annoying to KK than me though. I tend to prioritize things differently. For me there have been other issues that have dominated my days. Compared to KK, I am the king of slobs. I really was never that bad before so it feels weird to be put into this new category.
I remember when Lori would come over and take pictures of me Swiffering. I loved my Swiffer. hehe. I guess your home reflects how you are inside. Well, these are just my thoughts.
Anyway, my hair is rather long now. Longer than it has been in a very long time. Not sure how I feel about it. I want to cut it but then at the same time i feel like I have spent such a long time growing it out that it would be sad to see it leave. hehe.
Ok...i'm off now. I must pee. :)Current Mood: indescribable |
| » New Car |
|---|
Ok...so i finally got another car after that accident.
The insurance company ended up handing me over a check for over $1000 more than what I bought the car for.
So...i dished out a little more and ended up buying a newer car for almost half the cost of what it is worth.
yay!
It's a Honda Passport EX with leather interior, wood trim, moon roof. it's coolio. I just installed 6 new Alpine speakers, a 800 watt amp and a bass boom box. Woohoo. DJ kit on wheels.
So, this baby i want to take camping. That would be fun fun fun in da sun.
Oct. 6th, 2005 @ 04:24 pm
|
| » Cough Cough |
|---|
Hola there.
For the last two days I have been sick. blah. been home from work. I've been sleeping a lot and coughing quite a bit. But the two days have been good for me. I needed the rest and I am ready to get back to work tomorrow.
I have auditions manana for a bass player. We have two bass players coming out. We had to cancel last week's auditions because my lead guitarist's house was at risk of getting burned during those fires. Manana should be good. One guy sounds really cool and i hope it all works out well. I miss playing and am excited to get out there again.
In other news, I am playing soccer again. That is fun. couldn't make practice tonite though. Game is this weekend. It feels good to run and chase after a ball. hehe. Basketball starts next month and I am really excited about that. I can dribble now finally. I have been so self conscience of myself these last two seasons that i never allowed myself to play to my potential. that will change this time! :)
In techy news, I bought a Palm Zire 72. I also have my PSP. I just got a 1gb memory stick duo card and put Tommy Boy on it. I am downloading LOSt right now so I can put it on that as well. I love gadgets!
KK is taking some classes this next week. I will be starting a class on Monday. It will be for my Tax preparer's license. It's something. :) I love numbers and am thinking of going back to school for that MBA so might as well learn something now.
Well, I am off now. I need to get some rest. I ate a little too much tonite thanks to my mom. She brings the worst things into my place sometimes. Croissants! aaaahhh.
Oct. 5th, 2005 @ 11:07 pm
|
| » My new used car was totalled! |
|---|
So, that great car that i just got? TOTALLED!
Some chick hit it two nites ago while it was PARKED.
I'm in my house around 12:20am and I hear this loud CRASH! I have this weird feeling that it's my car so i go outside. Sure enough, some chick on crack plowed into my car full speed! How the hell do you do that??
Now it's dead. The insurance company might call it a loss and take it away. I'm sooooo pissed. After 5 months of saving I finally get a car and it's killed while PARKED!! aaaahh.
oh well. Hawaii is going to be fun. bleh. On the phone with insurance people probably the whole time. I better bring some TUMS.
:::SIGN OFF:::
Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 12:53 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
The other day at lunch something i heard struck a chord in me.
We were all discussing aspirations and what we used to strive for in life at a younger age compared to what we are actually doing now.
One said that he used to want to be a drummer. He loved it but then when he learned about hypnosis and self improvement, he realized that he would have to devote his time and energy into one or the other. Some people are capable of handling more than one interest and are able to succeed in both or more. But he wasn't and therefore had to give up one to fully concentrate and give his all to the other. This was the only way he could truly succeed and become accomplished in this field.
It struck a chord with me because i feel like i have so many interests in life yet have conflict within myself trying to find happiness with just one. Once i devote a lot of time to only one thing i begin to miss the other and I become depressed and I feel like a failure because I do not accomplish at either one of the interests.
And i guess it is true, some people are capable of handling more than just one interest and completely succeeding at them both. Unfortunately, i do not think i am one of these types. And I completely agree with the fact that I need to solely concentrate on one in order to fully reach that accomplished stage. Because right now I am only giving 50% to each one and the outcome of each is sadly 50% as well.
So, obviously I need to figure out what i want to do. One has to be the primary and the other can be the secondary and merely be a "hobby" or an "interest on hold" until I fully accomplish the main one. But which one?
I have music on one hand where I know i could probably succeed in a small degree if I truly applied myself for a specific amount of time. On the other hand i have the more practical side of going back to school for business and finance and getting my masters.
Both of these cannot simultaneously coincide in my life. I have tried it and all it does is make things harder because they completely clash. If i were to devote my time to music i would have to put all my money into making high quality cd's, recording about 5 more well produced songs, play shows all the time up and down the coast or as many places as I could and devote countless hours to promoting myself via emails, letters, guerilla marketing etc.
if i were to do my masters, then i would have to put my music in the backseat and it would become my past and merely always just be a hobby unless I magically am discovered by a label exec or manager that will do all the above work for me. I obviously can't rely or hope for that.
So, i am at that fork, Mr. Frost. Should I take the road less taken and risk security and the linear life for spontaneity and possible failure? Or should I give in to the world and the realistics of the society we live in and continue on my current path of security and "responsibility".
I think this entry goes along with my recent "boring life" entry.
Obviously i have much to think about.
:::SIGN OFF:::
Aug. 30th, 2005 @ 01:01 pm
|
| » I GOT A CAR!! |
|---|
I bought a car FINALLY.
It's a 94 Honda Passport EX Sports Edition. It has AWESOME SOUND. A box was installed with a premium amplifier. You vibrate when i put that shit up, yo. hehe.
It has power everything, cruise, roof rack and the interior is in prime condition. Low miles and the car is mechanically perfect.
I am excited and happy. :) I can't wait to take a road trip .
Lori, Shelby, K-pon, Erica, everyone else....wanna go camping again?
Let's go! :)
Aug. 25th, 2005 @ 05:50 pm
|
| » Bring on the advertising |
|---|
So today i made my way over to Office Depot and bought some fabulous folders to finish the credit report book.
Woohoo. I'm so excited. It looks nifty. I am going to finalize the Credit Repair Heaven E-Book today and have it ready to sell by tonite!
KK and I are going to put an ad out in two midsize circulated mags so we can sell these puppies. I am really hopeful with this. I'm thinking that i'll put the price at $25.00 flat. Many people have said that this is too cheap. But i don't know. Tough to decide how much to sell stuff for. I don't want people to not buy it.
Anyway, it's our Hawaii fund money and also our future vacay moolah. I will keep you all updated on how much we sell or if we don't sell. :)
Oh, and also if anyone on here would like a copy of the ebook, let me know and i'll send it on over. Not sure if anyone wants help with repairing their credit, but i hope that what i wrote will help or at least be informative. :)
Here's our banner:
Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 05:11 pm
|
| » This touches me a little too close to home. |
|---|
Hearing this story sent chills through my body. I can't help but think that it could have been....
Thank goodness for second chances. Life is too short to get swallowed by intangible things.
Ataraxia.
Woman Jumps To Death From Limo Onto 405 Freeway
Morning Commute In Costa Mesa Backed Up
A woman was fatally injured Wednesday morning on the southbound San Diego (405) Freeway in Costa Mesa when she apparently jumped from a vehicle in a possible suicide, authorities said.
Newschopper 4's Justin Jaeger said a Hummer limousine driver called CHP to report that a woman had jumped from a passing vehicle; Associated Press reported that the woman jumped from the limousine.
A preliminary investigation showed the woman died at the scene after being struck by several cars after jumping. Sgt. Loren Wyrick said investigators had not yet ruled her death a suicide and the circumstances of the death were being investigated by the Costa Mesa Police Department.
"We don't have her ID yet, we don't know what the motivation was and the circumstances leading to her death," Wyrick said.
The incident happened shortly after 5 a.m., causing southbound traffic on the busy San Diego Freeway to back up for miles.
Costa Mesa is in Orange County 40 miles southeast of Los Angeles.
The woman's name was withheld pending notification of relatives.
Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 10:33 am
|
| » Carrots are good. |
|---|
So, work is going really well. I'm doing payroll now for the whole company and i am sensing a phat raise soon so I am excited about that.
This job has been exactly what i needed. I was bored of all the computer jobs where I accomplished absolutely nothing. With this job I am totally learning and I realized just how much I missed that. I love to learn and with this job I am learning something new every single day and it's been great. I make good money and my plan is to buy a condo by early next year. woohoo. :)
This week and weekend is going to be hectic. Manana I am hopefully going to be playing bball again with KK. On Thursday I am going to a Dodger game with the softball team. I haven't been to one of those in a long time. Dodger dogs here i come! :) Friday I am getting together with my drummer to work on some songs. And this weekend KK and I are going to Carpinteria to camp with her sister and kids. Hopefully on Sunday we will get to the Home Depot Center in time to watch the JP Morgan Chase finals with Lindsay Davenport and Serena Williams. I went last year and it was awesome so I would love to make it this year too.
right now I am about to watch Harry Potter. My mom cooked food tonite and that was really cool of her. It's nice finally being able to be friends with her and have a real meaningful relationship. Her birthday is coming up and I want to do something special for her. I'll be in Hawaii for a week before her bday though. I hope I am not too sunburned. hehe.
Ok...off to watch some Harry Potter and go to sleep with KK. :)
::sign off:::
Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 12:39 am
|
| » ooooooooga booooooga |
|---|
So i am at work right now eating my lunch. Walked to Quiznos with coworkers and bought a small sandwich that i ate in about 20 seconds. It was good though. Not sure how good though health wise considering it had cheese and a ton of bread. oh well.
This weekend i went and played basketball and that was tons of fun. KK finally said the right words to me that made things totally CLICK and now I get a bunch of stuff concerning the game. :) woohoo. Poor thing had been trying to teach me for so long the same thing but it never clicked with me, but this weekend it finally did. We played a game with beer belly man and a 12 year old boy that thought he was Kobe. It was really funny but a lot of fun. We haven't exercised in so damn long so this was realllly good for us.
On another note, my mother moved in last week. I am really really happy about this.
For those who have been with me through my many many journals, you all know the shit i have been through. Most of it self destructing. I have lived in that horrible black hole many many times and hurt myself in so many ways. Often times I had no one because I pushed everyone close to me away, and i would fall deeper down.
I withdrew from family mainly because of embarrassment. I was fat, depressed and completely nothing I had hoped to be. I felt retarded and like I was a failure. Honestly, I wanted to be better and for them to be proud. Plus the whole gay thing put a huge distance as well. Not that they didn't love me or treat me differently. They never abandoned me or made me feel like i wasn't loved. If anything, they were completely accepting and I never felt hated like many others have felt. I was just "different" still and felt like I would never be at the same level as they were in a way. Make sense? They just couldn't "relate" to my stupid gay issues because well...they aren't gay and have no idea the shit that I go through inside. It was never their fault, it was just how it was and i was sad and depressed about it and just withdrew and was absent from their lives.
It's kinda like how people don't pick up the phone when the collector's start calling or when they just throw away the bills when they come in the mail without opening it. You feel like if you just pretend it's not there it will be okay. But really it's just getting worse.
So, for many years I was absent from my family's life not because i didn't love them, but because I was embarrassed, but as time went by I made things worse because they developed this horrible idea of who i was and who i became. And instead of showing up and saying otherwise, I only withdrew more, in turn making things more worse. I was just fucking up left and right.
But throughout all this, the only one there for me was my mom. She never left my side. And i feel two things. One, I am so lucky. But two, I hate that she had to go through all that with me. I was so lost and so in pain that I must have been horrible to look at. But she stuck by my side and i owe everything i have achieved now to her.
So, now it is my turn. I need to be there for her and never give up nor let her down. I owe my mom. She is a wonderful, beautiful person that deserves to think about herself now and I hope with all my heart that I can give her the environment that she needs to attain this. She has been thinking of her daughters for so many years now that she forgot about how to think about herself. And i want that for her. She has so many loves and wants and needs and i want to see her smile again and dance. :)
I have changed a lot this last 1.5 years. Just made a lot of realizations and i have "cleansed" my soul. I no longer want negativity in my life. I want to keep moving forward and just bettering everything. Things have been awesome and I can't be happier. I keep thinking about how it was just 1.5 years ago and it is just amazing where i am now. And I admit I thought it was temporary at first because a change of that magnitude is kinda scary. But it's been 1.5 years and i am only continuing to move forward.
I was really young, wasn't i? I made such stupid decisions and acted so childish so many times. haha. I fucked up here and there and fell and got up and fell harder and bumped my head and broke this and that and etc etc. hehe. :) But i lived that's for sure and i will always have stories to tell. I can laugh about this now because it's over and i have moved on and become a better person. I am making amends with my family and movign forward and trying to make up for lost time. I do not ask for forgiveness, merely understanding as everyone's life is different and we have to go through our own ways to learn the same things.
I am 29 years old now. I did all this shit before 27 years old. I'm happy for that because it could have been worse if i went on being depressed and stagnant until my 30's or whatever. These last 1.6 years have been great. Time to ride the rainbow.
Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 02:41 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
So i haven't updated in awhile.
A lot of other things have jumped into my life and have taken over.
I am sick. Got sick yesterday and it just hit me HARD last nite and today i feel like shit.
But i am here at work. I have way too much to do.
I bought a couple of funds from T. Rowe Price yesterday. Their capital appreciation fund which is 5 star rated and also their Spectrum Income multi-sector bond fund which is 4 star rated.
Fun times.
I hate being sick. Hate hate hate. argh.
Jun. 23rd, 2005 @ 10:37 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
i haven't updated in 2.56 million years. been really busy.
i spend a lot of time at place i work. it's different. totally different than what i have ever done so i find myself actually working and wanting to learn more. it's strange. for a lazy procrastinator like myself.
this job has helped me in a lot of ways. it's forced me to work on being organized. it's also allowed my brain to start thinking again. all the jobs i have had before were damaging to my little brain. although i held some great positions, i never learned anything new or ever really worked. i just sat around in my office all day surfing the internet and ultimately never accomplising anything really.
so, here i am. in accounting and it's actually pretty cool. the fact that i work in the entertainment industry is what makes it okay. but the real kick is that i work with music,film and imaging licensing. and that is exactly what i needed. so, this job, which at first seemed like a bad move, has actually turned out to be one of the best moves i have made in a long time.
i have managed to make a lot of positive changes this year. one HUGE thing is my credit. i completely fucked up my credit in my younger years. it was BAD. my score was probably in the mid to low 400's. i had a bancruptcy, charge-off's, lates, collections and even a judgement. i had it all.
last november i began learning about credit repair and about consumer laws, etc. I learned about the credit bureau's and exactly what i could do to fix my credit.
so, after 5 months of researching and applying what i learned, i finally did it. and i am so happy to say that my credit score is now close to 700 and i have managed to wipe out my bancruptcy my judgement and every charge-off. all i have left is some lates from years ago. i honestly can't believe how easy it was.
i have always been the type to learn about the "system". I hate being ignorant about anything. and this was something that was haunting me for all these years. I could never rent an apt. that was why i stayed at carrie's place. i could never get a credit card or get a car. i was just fucked. and it sucked. but now, i have credit that is really good. the only reason why it's lower than it could be is because i DON'T have credit. once i open up a small credit card then it will boost up. :)
Another thing i finally did was build my savings. and i finally moved it into a higher interest paying savings account. I opened up an account with ING Direct and put my money into that. BofA pays .5% That's shit. ING Direct pays 3.00%. not too shabby. I have about $6,000 saved and I hope to get to $10,000 by the end of July.
I have also been learning about investing. I am about to open a Roth IRA account with Vanguard. I am putting my moolah in some highly diverse mutual funds that should earn a nice 11-15% per year. if i put in $3500 per year from now on then I should have over 1 million bucks by the time i retire.
I am also looking into investing into mutual funds outside of my retirement account. and also DRIP accounts for 5-10 year investing.
anyway, i am so happy that i have finally been able to focus on the things that i have been putting off for all these years. it feels good.
other than that, things are okay at home. KK and i work together so that sucks. it's too much time together, you know? we start to annoy one another. not sure what to do. since we are always around eachother that whole magical spark is gone. there are no surprises. plus, we never go out.
that's the down side. oh well. we are trying to figure this out.
well, i better get back to work. later.
::SIGN OFF::
May. 10th, 2005 @ 10:56 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
a posting from my longtime dear lj friend reminded me of something i used to hold close to me. it was the first noble truth in buddhism. when i studied philosophy in college, it was the one thing that completely captivated me and made me think so much and totally changed my outlook on life and my suffering.
Life is dukkha.
Once we accept that life will never be void of pain; that life will always consist of troubles and waves, then we will truly be able to be content and happy because we will embrace the inevitable and realize that happiness isn't what is at the end of the road, but that life IS the road full of bumps and dips and crap.
"life is constantly changing and therefore full of suffering"
this always made me laugh at life and see that all the shit that happened around me was completely out of my control and that there was no such thing as a life full of only "happy days".
it was those wishes, hopes and thoughts of LIFE VOID OF PAIN that would be the cause of unhappiness, because you would be constantly disappointed.
when i became depressed (which was quite often back then), remembering this and/or reading my books helped me come back to a more rational pep world where i would compose myself and pull myself out of the rut i stuck myself in. i think i kinda forget this after my 'fall' and since then have been quite confused. i've been paddling towards a "mirage".
i'm glad i remembered this. :) relief. like maalox. hehe.
:::SIGN OFF:::
Apr. 4th, 2005 @ 05:31 pm
|
| » (go barry) I write the songs that suck and don't mean a thiiiing :: la la la:::: |
|---|
i opened up ACID PRO and played some drum beats and with my guitar tried to play some songs that i made up some time ago but never did anything with.
err. My frustration always takes over me cuz i can't come up with a damn chorus or a good hook. Pisses me off. blah.
The topics though now are about absolutely nothing. I have been tending to gravitate to my usual topics because it's all i ever used to write about. But that FEELING those EMOTIONS are gone. argh. I have to find something else or at least it has to come to me to inspire me.
There are so many GREAT things in my life though. Why can't i write about Figaro or Skunky or how i am healthy and active or about how grand life is with KK. Hmph. Someone once told me "it's cuz you are an artist and that's just how you are".
Blah.
That sucks. Cuz i don't ever want to be that down again just to be able to touch that creative chord in me.
Maybe I should meditate. Errr. If only i had the patience again to be able to meditate. haha.
Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 05:06 pm
|
| » to be depressed or not to |
|---|
At this point i have no job. No real job at least. Just the non-profit job that I go to for 12 hours a week. Other than that, I have no other reasons to get up in the morning.
Am i depressed? I didn't think I was. But KK has brought that possibility to my attention this morning.
As she was getting ready to go to work, she asked me about 30 times if I was going to be getting up as well. I repeated YES YES YES YES over and over again, each time wishing that I could just fall back asleep. When she finally left, I stared at the cats and i fell back asleep.
I woke up around 10 or so jumping out of bed with that panicked feeling like I was late to something. Lately, I haven't been wanting to get up. It's a struggle for get me out of bed. I just want to sleep.
Am i depressed?
I think in a way I possibly could be. This reminds me of how i was in 2003 after GLAAD and how all i did was sleep all day then stay up all nite, then my hours looped. I'd do absolutely nothing all day long. Absolutely nothing. Yeah, i was depressed. I had no goals. I was on unemployment and just staying at home depressed about carrie in ny and how my life was shit.
But now? My life is great. It really is. I am 1000000% happy with things.
I think it's just that time now when i have to now start picking up the pieces and putting them in the right place. Like when the berlin wall came down Hurray hurray. Like BIG HURRAY. But then there is mess to pick up after that and other shit to worry about. It's all good still cuz it was for the best.
I think i am in this funk cuz i have no responsibility right now. No job. And a job is like my life line. I mean, i need that to feel important to feel like i am contributing to society. Does that sound sooo retarded? probably.
i'm just typing away blah blah blah.
I basically have until April until i start this Music Business Program thingy.
So, what to do until then?
(here comes my therapeutic brainstorming rambles)
I can work on the TimEPK Business stuff
I can get my Music Publishing thing started
I can call that bonnie or whatever her name is about Music Superivising from FilmMusic Network
I can call Jess Wight about performing with him or managing him
I can call that chicky that sounds 80's about performing or managing him
I can try to get another crappy web job for people to make extra cash
I can do that clickbank website
Ok...i should probably start with this and JUST DO IT.
My problem is with that enemy of mine called LAZINESS. It haunts me with the other, DEPRESSION. Then the two gang up on eachother and attack! It sucks cuz i always lose. I end up staring at the computer for countless hours accomplishing nothing.
:::::PUUUUKKKEEEE:::::::::::
Ok...i just calmed down a bit and talked to KK on the phone and to K-DOG. I feel better.
I just got into a stump this last week. Thanks KK for putting up with me and for helping me figure things out.
When i type, i figure things out. Hence my countless rambles that always start off confused and kinda dark, but end all optimistic.
I just need to pick one thing to do on my list of things and then JUST DO IT.
blah.
peace out.
Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 10:43 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
My sister started an LJ. ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) queenycp Coolio. It's taken her about 30 years to start one, but now that she has found My Spce she is much more willing to try new things.
Anyway, so, the appointment with the place was great. I was really really happy. The Music Business Program is very awesome and EXACTLY what i want. The other parts (bass, guitar, music production), is quite expensive and for long time students.
What i want to learn is simply Music Businss. Copyrighting, Licensing, Publishing, Music Supervision in Film/TV, etc etc etc etc. That's it. Nada more.
So, like i said in the other entry, the places i found with classes are far and few between and there isn't anything that just has the MEAT and POTATOES of that field. UCLA Extension has classes that are about $595 -$795 each and they are about 12 weeks long meeting once every week. And again, that is only one class. This one is 6 months of full time study and it comes with an internship at a Music Publishing company. So, at the end of 6 months i have experience.
Kinda cool. New program by the ex manager of KISS. haha.
Anyway, i just want the classes. I checked it out comparing it to individual classes i would take at other places and this is cheaper and shorter. So, i'm happy.
We shall see then. :)
Jan. 31st, 2005 @ 03:30 pm
|
|
